Really on top of it...all?

So this is only my second post since I first created this blog, shows I am really on top of it...seriously just trying to survive, one day at a time. My goal, although extremely ambitious, is to being on the upside and not just surviving but thriving, actually living for the first time in a long time. Wish me luck! (and who knows, I might just get another post in before the end of the year.)

Resolution...but not the typical kind or is it?

I decided a few years back that I would stop making the annual New Years resolutions mostly because I always seemed to fail and break all of them within a few days or weeks and then I would feel like the rest of the year was inevitably ruined. Instead I decided to start making life changes, but again not the typical drink more water or exercise 30 minutes a day, more like changes to get me out of my comfort zone. Last year I decided that I would be more adventurous when it came to eating. I am very much a "plain jane" when it comes to food. So things like Thai or Sushi would be unheard in my food repertoire . The "official" change was to eat one new thing a week. So if at work we were deciding to what to eat for lunch and someone suggested a category that was not my norm, instead of wrinkling my nose, I said "sure". I did pretty well the first few months but I have to admit I didn't stick to the "one new thing a week" part. But I definitely changed my overall outlook on the matter and I am more inclined to pick out the unusual item on the menu then my old stand by.

So in that vein, for this year, I decided that I am going to try and be fearless. Now, I am not exactly sure what that means just yet (I am only 9 days into the new year...I need a little more time to flush this out.) but I definitely know that this general area is something I need to work on. I have a lot of ambition but I am starting to feel like my few insecurities may start to grow big enough, or even worse yet they already have, that I will miss really reaching my full potential. Saying that alone strikes fear as I think to myself "what if you have reached your peak and this is it?", but really I do feel like I can do and be more...again, I don't know what that "more" is just yet or how I will get there but that is where the "fearless" thing comes in.

I think its sort of like doing the opposite of what you would normally do, like when you want to shy away from a situation you instead just meet it head on and march right over it. Before you do it you are scared, while you are doing it you are scared but after you think to yourself that it wasn't so bad after all. But all of this begs the question, is this really not a typical resolution one might make or is it the exact same and I am just fooling myself?